


I Follow My Own Rules

by Dovahkiin_Dreamer



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars VII
Genre: Bisexual Original Character, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Love, First Order, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Original Character, Force-Sensitive Original Female Character, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Lots of Research, Maybe Kylo Ren Redemption?, Minor Violence, Original Character is Hella Headstrong, Original Character is a General, Original Character(s), Original Female Character - Freeform, POV Original Character, POV Original Female Character, Possible smut, Rancor Pet, Secretive Original Character, Some Non-Canon Stuff, The Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:38:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dovahkiin_Dreamer/pseuds/Dovahkiin_Dreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leila Domino has been working for the First Order as a general since she was 18. Over the years her style of leadership has changed for the better. When a visit from Commander Kylo Ren and General Hux is forcefully arranged, she must show them that her training tactics are worth it. The only problem is, she can use the force. Constantly keeping it hidden around the Knights of Ren, and the force-sensitive Kylo is a challenge all on its own. All she wants is true balance in the world between the light and dark side. On top of the arranged visit, Leila must deal with her own personal issues arising.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I stare at the data-pad in detest. I couldn't believe that after all these years they were sending the two most infuriating men to oversee the progress I have made here. It's been 4 years since they've had to come here. I scoffed and got up from my chair leaving the data-pad to sit. _And it wasn't even a well timed notice!_ The men were set to arrive before the end of the day tomorrow. I went to the door and let it slide open automatically. It shut behind me and I made my way to the training room. It was currently hour 7 here on Lehon, which meant breakfast. I whistled a small tune quickly to get Rayne to come to me. She could sense my frustration and looked around for danger. I gently prodded her mind to let her know that there were no enemies around. She grunted at me in acknowledgement and relaxed a bit. I pet her scaly head as a signal for her to relax more.

"Rayne, there is no reason to be tense at the moment. I am simply frustrated with a situation." She understood some of what I had to say despite her not being fully sentient. I walked into the base's cafeteria and Rayne followed me. No one in the room flinched, they're used to the smaller than usual rancor following me. It had taken a long time to train her to behave this well.

I first found her when I arrived on the base when I was 18 and she was just a hatchling, so I have had her for almost 7 years. 5 of those years were spent with her caged up with me hand feeding her meat. It was a surprise to say the least when I found her and her mother. The mother was getting ready to eat Rayne when I stumbled upon them, so I killed the mother instinctively. I realized my mistake not long after. Rayne was a runt, a small thing only around a meter tall instead of the usual 3. She didn't grow very much, and now sits at 3 meters fully grown. I could tell that Rayne wanted to attack me as soon as she saw me, but instead turned to her mother's corpse and started to consume her. I burst out laughing when I saw that. _Oh how the tables have turned eh_. I cut up hunks of the mother and lured Rayne back to the base, much to the disgust and fear of my coworkers. I had her locked in a fairly spacious cage and fed her bits of meat every few hours. I constantly made short visits to her so she could get used to me, and about 2 years ago I was able to bring her out without her attacking me. Attacking others however, was another story. Rayne has become attached to me, and thinks many things are attackers, or something that wants to threaten me, so she will go after them to prevent any damage to me. I have to soothe her out of those rages before she does any damage to the base, since it was recently remodeled.

Though, Rayne will be the least of my problems in regards to destruction. I need to figure out a way to prevent the commander from destroying major parts of this base. We don't have any regular technicians, the knights I train here do majority of the upkeep and cooking on this base.

When I first started here when I was 18, I didn't know much about how to run anything. I just went with my gut, which was being super strict and forcing the knights to constantly train. As years progressed I changed the structure of the knights' timetable. I changed how things worked, and it seemed to make the knights' training much more efficient. The visits from the general and commander were reduced when the Supreme Leader heard about the effectiveness of this routine.

I shook my head, focusing on getting Rayne and I some breakfast. I sat at one of the benches and quickly ate. after about 30 minutes I stood up and made my way to the front of the cafeteria. Everyone was gathered during meals so it would be easier to relay information to everyone equally. I cleared my throat and pat Rayne on the head to indicate for her to roar. That caught the attention and they all look at me.

"Good morning knights! I hope you all slept well and feel well rested this morning." I spoke clearly and well articulated. "I would like everyone to take some time off during hours 15 to 17. We have very important guests coming to the base during dinner tomorrow and I expect this place to be spotless when they come. Once you meet them, you too, will want the place to be as respectfully clean for them." I dragged a knowing smirk on my face. "I am going to keep quiet as to who is coming to give you guys a surprise. I'll be making some rounds tomorrow to insure that each sector and set of dorms in each are clean. If you require any cleaning supplies, feel free to use the ones specified for cleaning time. That was all. Enjoy the rest of the day. I will be stepping out for some hours to make sure the area is clear of any threats." I finished before leaving the lunch room, Rayne right on my tail. I headed straight for my quarters and stripped all my clothes off. I dug in my closet for my old training clothes. Finally finding the black sleeveless turtleneck and dark grey leggings I slipped them on. The top was very snug against my chest. The last time I wore this was only 5 years ago, so I shouldn't have grown much more, my growing should have stopped. Shrugging it off I put my black training boots on and grabbed saber. I threw on a jacket to discreetly hide the saber from sight.

I left my room and walked swiftly through the halls. The building was peacefully quiet as I made my way through it.  I arrived at the doors where 2 guards stood. They let me pass and I walked into the humid air. The island never had many creatures on it, however some would swim over since we were only 50 meters from another island. Rayne walked around and easily spot one of the many gizka that inhabited Lehon. She trampled after the creature while I walked into the tropical forest carefully. This island was fairly large, so even if I eliminate most of the creatures in the area, they always come back. That included the rancors and most recently chlovi cats. The cats had occupied this planet about 20 years before we arrived and they seemed to breed like crazy. We weren't too sure how they arrived, however, we believe that they survived a spacecraft crashing and began to fill up the islands.

I gently reached out trying to sense if there were any strange creatures nearby. I felt a medium sized creature to my left not too far off. I grabbed my saber and walked over quietly. I pressed the button and my saber came to life, glowing gold in my surrounding area. I kept stalking forward until I saw the cat-like amphibian. The chlovi cat stood there sniffing around. I rushed at it quickly and I slashed down its stomach, ending its life quickly. It did manage to get out a howl, and now I was surrounded by more of them.

"A challenge! Finally!" I exclaimed as all of them come at me. I dodge them, moving side to side. Before I could make a move to attack the rest, Rayne came tearing through the pile as if she was a puppy. The chlovi cats that were ready to attack me were splayed to the sides, some having broken limbs from Rayne. She turned to them stomping around and ate some of them swiftly. I shook my head and laughed. I joined her attacking them, slicing them down easily. Even with her smaller than usual body, Rayne killed many of them with no problem at all. Once the chlovi cats were gone I figured I was done. The stomping I heard, symbolized that this fight wasn't over. Rayne stood still feeling the vibrations with no problem. The creature that came through the bushes towards me was a huge rancor. My eyes widened and I scurried up a tree to see if I could jump on its back. It was a good 7 meters tall, making me worry heavily about Rayne. It turned its attention to her when it realized I was gone. My eyes darkened and I used a bit of force to jump from the tree I was in, onto its back, saber blade pointed to its spine. I landed roughly and gripped the saber tightly. The rancor twisted and turned trying to get me off, but once I got my footing on its back I climbed up higher. I pulled the saber out of its back and slashed it across the back of the rancor's neck. It let out a loud growl before falling forward. I took this time to stab the saber deeper and to slice the head clean off. I let out a groan, knowing that this meat would be good to bring back to the base for Rayne. I deactivated my saber and swiftly hid it.

I sensed around me once more, only to find nothing. The fauna seems very quiet at the moment surprisingly. I sat down on a dry patch of grass and laid down. I felt all my tensions from the fight drain out of me and tranquility replaced it. I sighed and rested my eyes. I felt Rayne walking around and she then laid beside me. A yawn forced its way from my mouth and a fell into a light slumber.

 

\----

 

I woke up with a start. I looked around to check my surroundings, but I only saw Rayne eating. I sighed and pulled out my comlink. I activated it quickly. "General Domino incoming. I request a speeder with space for a large rancor corpse please. I will give you my coordinates, one moment." I deactivated the speech component and had it let out a signal to the base. I could barely see anything around me, darkness everywhere. _I didn't realize I slept for that long_. A speeder came quickly and picked me up. With the help of Rayne and the driver of the craft, we got the rancor corpse into the speeder's back. Rayne surprisingly fit in the back with the rancor, so she sat there while I climbed into the passenger seat. The speeder made its way back to the base and dropped us off at the supplies bay. Once again Rayne and the driver helped me with the rancor, except this time we put it into a freezer. Once that was done the driver returned to the speeder and took it to the bay where we held them. I knew Rayne would be full, I ,however, was starving. I trudged through the halls and took a glimpse at the clock. I groaned when it shone out that it was hour 1. I rolled my neck and continued to the cafeteria. I entered the room and went to the kitchen to make up a sandwich. It was a simple meat sandwich so I could go back to bed sooner. It was gone within seconds of my making it. I looked at Rayne and climbed onto her back.

"Hunny..." I mumbled sleepily. "Will you take me to our room?" I asked with droopy lids. I flicked the lights with the force and Rayne walked to our room without any problems. Once we arrived she walked next to my bed so I could roll off her back. _I wonder if I'm tired because of the lack of sleep and food I've been getting lately... Of course that's why you dummy! Not to mention the little energy you have is being used because you're using the force to do stupid small things._ I shook my head and fell into a deep sleep quickly.

 

\----

 

_All around me was ominous and felt incredibly unbalanced. It was throwing me off excessively. There was shooting and death. I couldn't bear to see it all. I could feel all the pain around me and it made my heart hurt! STOP! Please stop! I wanted to scream, but I couldn't find my voice. The mental pain in my heart switched to physical pain when something with a red glow pierced it. It was a red saber. I looked over my shoulder in fear, and there stood a dark haired man, one whom I've never seen before. However, I still felt the pain and I slipped off the saber, collapsing on the ground. "That's what you get, you traitorous bitch." He said with a deep voice._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Re-wrote small bits in this chapter too. They aren't major, just little things that didn't work.

I shot up from my contorted position on my bed. The scream was stuck in my throat, just barely being held in. Why was the force showing me THIS?! Never had it shown me a possible future like this before! And, the possible future had never been this paralyzing. I could feel myself shaking from the dream. 

There was a loud knock at my door and it shook me out of my anxiousness. I stood quickly and opened the door. "Yes?" I asked the guard who stood in front of me.  
"Commander Ren and General Hux have arrived Ma'am. What would you like me to do?" He asked, taking a look at my distraught state.

I cleared my throat and looked at my clock. Shock flooded my system when I saw that it was hour 13. "Could you send the Commander and General to my office and inform them that I will be there shortly." I instructed. The man nodded and left the room. I practically ripped off my clothes and pulled on my black dress pants and my uniform jacket. I ran to my bathroom and pulled my brush through my white hair quickly. Once that was done, I pulled it up into a ponytail leaving some strands hanging to hug my cheeks. I ran back into my room and pulled on my black boots. I took a breath, leaving a sleeping Rayne in the room. I walk out of my room and rushed to my office. I opened the door and saw Commander Ren and General Hux there, sitting down. I walked over to my desk and sat down swiftly.

"I apologize for wait. I would bore you with the reason I was late, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear it. Am I correct General?" I say smiling sweetly to the red head. I cleared my throat before Hux could say anything. "Anyways, welcome to the base. I hope your stay here will be productive. Any questions before I show you around? We recently remodeled, so it's a much different layout." I continued.

Hux stared at me still irritated from my crappy welcome. "I would like to look at all the progress reports since the last time we were here, and I would like to see how the knights have progressed." He sounded strained, almost as if he was trying to keep a snarky comment back.

"Wonderful! I will show you around first, seeing as you have a week to look at those files. The knights are almost done their training for the moment, so after dinner I will show you the full extent of their training." I didn't intend to sound quite that bitchy when talking about his week here, however it still came out. "Commander, General. If you would follow me." I got up from my chair and left the room. I could hear their steps behind me, completely out of sync. 

I felt a rough tug at my ponytail, causing me to stop and turn abruptly to the general behind me. "This is not how you're supposed to have your hair, it's completely against regulations." Hux sneered. "The regulation is that it is either to be cut short, or pulled back into a tight bun. You should do well to remember this, otherwise Supreme Leader will hear about this."

Without any warning, I shoved Hux into the wall and held him by the neck with my forearm. He looked absolutely terrified. "General." I stated darkly. "I do wish that you'd remember that regulations here are not the same as those on your shuttle. I am the general on this base and all regulations go through me." He started clawing at my arm as it tightened on his throat. "And I am positive that the Supreme Leader would find nothing wrong with the way I regulate this base, seeing as it is much more productive than yours." I let go of him and he collapsed to the ground. I sighed and turned continuing to walk. Hux was pretty much silent for the rest of the tour. 

Surprisingly, it was Ren who began to speak. "General Domino. I think it would be best if you acted more professionally. The behavior you exhibited is not acceptable for a woman of your rank." I nodded, acknowledging him.

Fuck that. If I must show someone their place, I will. I do not tolerate disrespect for someone who has never shown me respect before in the first place. I thought to myself. I knew Ren couldn't hear it, mostly because my mental walls are heavily fortified. I showed them the rest of the base before I directed them to the cafeteria. "I chose to exclude an officials dining room. It aids in gaining the trust of the knights, and allows me to converse with them about how they believe their training is going. We shall sit at a table in the corner so that we can discuss some important information about their training. First though, we eat." I faked a smile. "The knights of sector E made dinner tonight, they're the exceptional chefs here."

I was the one shoved into the wall this time. Gasps surrounded the room from the knights that were here too early. I stared blankly at the mask of Ren. His booming voice echoed through his voice modulator and into the room. "How dare you use my knights for miniscule tasks that could be accomplished by hiring cooks! They should be focusing mainly on their training, and only their training." It was amusing to hear this angry voice through the voice modulator. I continued to stare blankly.

"Now, commander, we are going to discuss their regime in my office. I do request that you try to keep yourself calm here. I do NOT want anything here ruined." I said flatly.

He slammed his hand on my neck roughly starting to choke me. "Are you mocking me?!" He demanded loudly. "This is not some petty matter that you should take lightly! These are my men!" The thumping made me laugh as much as I could while being choked.

"I... suggest you le...let me go." I struggled to say. The doors were thrown open by Rayne, who's eyes seemed to dilate when she saw the position I was in. Ren seemed slightly taken back from the small rancor in the room. His hand left my throat and went straight for his saber. I kicked his leg causing him to look back to me. "Rayne. Stop." My voice was clear and seemed to surprise everyone. "My love, just relax. I was never truly in any danger." I walked away from Ren to Rayne who seemed ready to attack. I gently pressed my hand to her forehead and tried to aid her in relaxation. "Thank you very much Commander Ren. I appreciate you startling Rayne. You and General Hux may eat. I am going to be going to my quarters if you need anything." I stated roughly. I motioned for Rayne to follow me and I left. I wasn't feeling very hungry anyways. I didn't feel hungry anymore at least. My stomach growled in argument but I continued to my quarters. I leaned my head on the door frame feeling a little light headed and tired. I walked in and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from my desk. I wrote a quick note for a guard to take some meat from the freezer to feed Rayne. I put in Rayne's claw. "Love, go find a guard and give him this. He will feed you today. I'm feeling faint."

I laid on my bed gently, but a headache came anyways. I shut my eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. I lay there for a while until I forced myself up. I stumbled to my door, feeling not only sick from movement, but also extremely dizzy. I held onto the door frame and then quickly switched so I was leaning on the wall outside my room. I made my way through the halls still unsteady. The halls were empty, telling me that either dinner wasn't over or all the knights went for their training. I felt the force around me shift, almost expecting me to fall. I stayed strong though and continued to the main entrance. The guards look at me in confusion and worry as I stumbled out of the base. My dizziness only got worse, as did my nausea. I bend over as if to puke, only to dry heave. I stood up and made my way into the forest where I instantly started feeling the symptoms release my body a miniscule amount. I sat down on a path, not caring what stumbled upon me. I crossed my legs and let the force take away my mind.

I let go of my physical body and the force entered it. All I could feel was peace and tranquility. My mind remained blank until the force began to replay the vision I had seen in my dream. I felt a pull towards the strange man that had killed me. It was a strange feeling, but I allowed it. The force knew what's best for me. I still knew nothing about the man, only that he thought I was a traitor to his cause. The vision started to distort itself though, startling me. The vision played something else. It was me who lived. I lay over the man's corpse sobbing. The emotions from the original vision couldn't compare to the agony I felt now. My heart felt as if it were ripped from my chest, poisoned, and then returned to me. This version of me clearly cared for this man. The vision didn't stop at the sobbing, vision me grabbed the saber that lay deactivated beside the man and aimed the inactive weapon to her chest and turned to on.

I was thrown out of my trance after that. A tickle on my cheek told me that there was a tear running down it. I wiped it away. I felt physically better, but emotionally, I wasn't so sure. I got up and jogged back to the base entrance. Something felt wrong, and it wasn't because of my emotions. I stormed into the base and ran to the training room. The bad feeling was leading me here.

Once I arrived I went in to see one of my knights on the ground with Ren above him with his saber poised to attack. No one noticed me until I started yelling, emotions running wild. "Put that fucking saber down right now Kylo Ren! If you hurt a single hair on that man, or any other at this base, I will be sure to reverse the situation and do double the damage you did to them, to you." I knew my face was red. Ren turned to me slowly, as if he was trying to be menacing, "Any threats on my life you speak will not affect me. My life means nothing, these men, however, mean the difference between you winning the war and losing. So I suggest you make your next move carefully." I stared at him and he charged at me. He seemed to discard his saber quickly going for hand to hand combat.

I was quick to avoid his punch, but I wasn't quick enough to avoid his hand that flew out and grabbed my wrist. I snarled at him as he threw my into the wall across the room. I didn't flinch at the pain, I used the pain to motivate me to move. I swiftly stormed back to him, sending a kick to his side. He gripped my leg roughly and sent me sprawling to the ground. I got up quickly, but he was already there throwing me across the room once again. This time I waited for him to come at me. Once he stalked over he went to push me back, but I dodged. I slipped under his arm and grabbed it. I used all my weight and threw him to the ground. I climbed atop of him and tried to punch him. He flipped us around and held me down. I raised my hips and wiggled to try and get him off balance so I could throw him off me. I didn't work, all it did was cause him to growl at me. I kept trying until he pushes himself away from me storming to the door.

"Don't you fucking dare destroying anything on this base you piece of shit!" I shouted at his back. He didn't turn around and just ignored my threat. I screamed loudly in frustration. I punch a wall, but only managed to hurt myself in the process. I looked around the room and realized everyone who was training left during the fight. I groaned about the situation, before I groaned louder. There, in the corner of the room lay Ren's saber. I breathed deeply trying to pull in all the calm I could. I padded over to the device and picked it up. I gripped it tightly knowing that Ren deserved an apology from me. I was brash and didn't think my actions and words through. I once again breathed in all the calm I could. I left the room and made my way to the superior officer quarters. One, two, three... four! I took in a breath before knocking on the door. It took a moment for Ren to open the door, but when he did, I looked to the ground.

I cleared my throat before speaking. "I am deeply sorry for the actions I took today and for the words I spoke. I ask your forgiveness, and I wish to return your saber to you. I understand it's important to you." I felt a sudden prodding in my mind causing me to drop the weapon and stumble backwards to the wall opposite to the door. I forcefully shoved Ren out of mind while glaring. "This is my mind and I would appreciate it if you didn't invade my thoughts." I snapped. I didn't expect him to stalk to me from his door.

"How did you do that." He demanded with a growl.

I sneered. "I know how to keep pieces of shit like you out of my mind."

I turned away and walked straight to my quarters. The rage had returned as soon as he tried enter my mind. No one has the right to see what's in there. I entered my room and changed into one of my chemises. I proceeded to fall onto my bed and used the force to make me fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Re-writing some parts I'm not content with. I do apologize about my inactivity. I find I lose interest in writing when my depression gets really bad. I am doing better now, so maybe I'll have another chapter written soon? I hope you guys understand! Lots of love~

The alarm was loud in my ear when I woke up. I quickly grabbed my alarm clock and turned it off. I groaned loudly and pulled myself up. I groaned again when I stretched out, sore from my strange sleeping position. Despite my bodily pain, I felt much better today. I smiled happily, something I hadn't done in a long while. I had an hour before I had to make my way to my office so I started tidying up my cluttered room. I noticed my saber sitting in the open on my floor. I walked over to it and grabbed it. I once again smiled, remembering when I made it with the help of the force. It was the most exhilarating feeling I had felt before. Finding the crystal was the most exciting adventure I had. I held it close to my chest, then proceeded to hide it on the top shelf of my closet under some blankets.

I finished with the clutter and began my morning routine. Pulling my hair back, which is becoming noticeably oily... I need to take a shower soon... I shook that thought off and finished with the ponytail. I removed my pajamas and put my uniform on. I put a small amount of makeup on. Eyeliner and mascara. I pulled my boots on and tied the laces slowly. I stood up and threw on a smile. This smile was a combination of my real one, and the fake one I put on when around others. I silently used the force to put my back into its proper alignment, being sure not to make my force usage very notable.

Walking out of my room, I took note of the look of my hallway. It seemed quite dirty. The knights must not like coming down this way... It made me wonder. Are they scared of me? Or have they noticed my strange behaviour and thought I was sick? I need to stop being like that if I want to keep my job. I continued down my hall and went into the main one. The knights were just starting to get up, time nearing hour 6 meant certain sections had to start doing their assignments for the morning. I nodded my head at the ones who passed me in the hall, and some perking up at my smiles. It felt nice to walk through the halls peacefully again.

The force in me must've been disrupted, and that caused my distress. I frowned. What caused the disruption then? It couldn't have been Ren... it must be HIM... I snarled to myself and threw on a fake smile quickly. Of course it's him. He thinks he knows what he's doing, but he's oh so wrong! I felt the force warn me that I was about to run into someone so I stopped and move to the side. The black figure stopped abruptly as well. Of course it's Ren.

"Commander Ren! Good morning. Breakfast will be in an hour. There most likely are going to be repairs happening in the training rooms for the Knights-In-Training. So if you intend to train, there is a personal one in my wing that you can use. I'm sure the force will lead you to it easily. The Supreme Leader wouldn't be happy if you ignored your training here." I spoke clearly, trying very hard to not mock Snoke's title.

Ren turned to me and nodded. "Thank you General for informing me. And yes. I am aware how the Supreme Leader would feel. I was heading to train now." His voice seemed strained so I let him walk away. I went to my office. As I entered, I instantly saw Hux sitting at my desk looking through papers. When I walked in he looked up, acknowledged me, and went back to looking at the papers.

"This is very impressive General Domino. It's strange how this kind of regime works so well, compared to a full training regime." He continued to flip through the papers with raised eyebrows. He shook his head, in what seemed to be an impressed manner. "We should talk some time about this. I'm curious how you figured this out."

I smiled at him, elated from the praise. "Of course General Hux! Though, it'll be hard to discuss how I figured it out. I just kept trying to use different techniques to get the knights to have higher discipline levels. Thank you for the praise as well." I motioned to the door. "How about we go for a walk, I can introduce you to some of the knights we run into. And, we can talk more while on the walk. I promise I will be much more polite this time, and I won't attack you." He nodded at my offer. He stood up and walked to my side. We walked together out of the room.

We made it back to the office after an hour. He had constant asked me questions about the base, he was very curious as to how this worked, and I personally had no clue! We got along much better today, which made me beg the force that it be like this for the rest of the week. Hux and I sat together at breakfast, though I was confused as to why Ren didn't join us. Half way through I stood up and smiled towards Hux. "If you'll excuse me General. I'm going to find Commander Ren and give him some food. Supreme Leader wouldn't appreciate if he were to become malnourished." Hux nodded and waved me off, mouth full of food. I walked to the buffet set-up and grabbed a plate. I suddenly realized I had no clue what I'd take Ren. So, I ended up grabbing a bit of everything and piling it on the plate.

I left the cafeteria and headed straight for my training room. I could feel the anger as soon as I entered the hall connected to the room. I set the food down quickly and ran out of the hall. As soon as I was out I began to vomit. The anger felt awful. It was overwhelming. I took a deep breath and wiped my mouth. I waved down a stray knight and asked him to clean up the mess. He agreed and I once again entered the hall, this time bracing myself. I still felt nauseous, but not to the point of puking. I went into my quarters and straight to the refresher quickly. I rinsed my mouth out and brushed my teeth. I washed my hands after as well. I left my room and into the hall and picked up the food finally.

The training room doors opened smoothly and I walked in carefully. I set the tray down, and worked hard to keep his anger out of my mind, despite it practically pouring out of Ren's pores and into mine. I walked up to Ren, who was sitting in the middle of the room. He was still but once I got half a meter from him, he stood up ready to activate his saber. The anger pushed at me again this time seeping in. I held down the urge to vomit again, managing to say a few words, "Commander, your food is at the door", before running out. This time I made it to my room and into my bathroom before vomiting into the toilet.

I desperately called on the force to make me feel better, hoping it's presence helps. It didn’t. While I was brushing my teeth, a knock on my bedroom echoed into the bathroom. I rushed out with a toothbrush still in my mouth and opened the door. I must've looked like a fool. Hair slightly disheveled, toothbrush in my mouth with some toothpaste coming out the side, and just looking awful.

“Ah, General. You left in a rush, and I came to make sure you were not ill.” It was Ren. Of course. I held up my finger as in a ‘please wait a moment’ symbol, and walked to the bathroom to finish with my teeth. I walked back in the my living area to see Ren making himself comfortable on my couch. “So General. Would you like to explain why you've been acting so unusual? Your men have informed me that the behaviour you've been exhibiting is not the way you usually act.” I was speechless. I didn't know how to respond. “Are you pregnant?”

I choked on my own saliva. “No!” I exclaimed.”I am not carrying a child!”

He looked at me disbelievingly. “I would like you to still test for it. If you are pregnant you should not be working.”

“I am not pregnant!” Just being asked about this topic made me frustrated. “I haven’t had a partner in a while, and a male partner even longer! There is no chance I am pregnant.” I declared aggravated. He sat still at the announcement of my sexuality and I froze. “I am sorry commander. I didn’t intend to inform you of my person life. I only meant to elaborate that there is no chance of my being pregnant.” My face felt slightly heated and I looked down.

He cleared his throat. “If you will excuse me then. I will take my leave. Be warned, if you intend to keep your job, you must have more restraint with your feelings. You shouldn’t speak to your superiors that way." He walked out of the room after that.

I was seething, and I would bet money on the fact that he could feel my anger. I threw open my closet and reached under the blankets. The cool metal of my saber hilt hit my hand and I pulled it out. With it held tightly in hand I stormed to my training room. "You have a whole lot of shit to say about controlling anger. Let's try out how you handle it asshole." With that said, I activated my saber and slashed at the training room wall. That's actually pretty satisfying... Slash after slash I could feel the force enter me and calm me down. Yes, that was in fact very satisfying, however that is not how one should handle their emotions. I stared at the burn marks on the wall and instantly the last bit of anger turned into embarrassment. "Fuck!" I shouted. "Why did I do that!" Impulsive, check. Idiot, check. Emotional, a huge checkmark. I stormed out of the room and into my room. I hid the saber and sat on my bed. I pulled in all the force I could.

"Fuck it." I murmured. "Fuck it all. I don't care anymore, I am a force user. I shouldn't have to hide it away." The force felt amazing. I haven't been able to feel it fully in a long while. Why did I choose to take this path? Why did I choose to aid the first order instead of going straight to that idiot Snoke? There's a lot of why's in my life... I groaned and flopped back. Ok, so I just gave myself away. What next?

**Author's Note:**

> Not too long, but I really liked writing this! This work will not be made up of 100% canon information. I did lots of research, and some of this comes from legends. I did as much as I could to try and make this as accurate as I could, so I hope you enjoy. Updates will not be regular, especially since school will be restarting in a few days.


End file.
